she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
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i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
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He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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