after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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