You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
