We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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