I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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