i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
