i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
