how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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