I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
