He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize