Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
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