a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
