Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
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