The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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