you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
