Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
