I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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