just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I understand Curling. That high.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I enjoy the company of your penis
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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