Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
