Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
