you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
