Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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