morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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