Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
