she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
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