my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
