His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Randomize
