Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
