I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
