I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
