threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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