You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
