See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
