i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
