i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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