awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
