I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
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