I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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