he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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