This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
