I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
