Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Small penises have feelings too.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
