She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
