did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
