i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Princesses don't give blow jobs
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
