Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
We're too hungover to prance.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
