Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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