wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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