it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
