I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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