Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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