Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
