Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
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Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
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