i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
