Sponge bath it is.
babies were throwing up all over the place
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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