You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
