It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Randomize
