Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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