My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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