Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
