I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
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