My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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