I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
