My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
