Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
