At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
