wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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