I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
