I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
