very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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