I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
