My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
