3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
