How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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