Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
