You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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