Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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