his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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