Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
