Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
