Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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