I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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