Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
