She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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